So this will be random thoughts.
Dirty 30s
The classmates from my final boarding school (I went to three different high schools) are considering having a second reunion.
I never intended to go to the 10 year reunion as I didn't like the school and haven't really kept any friends from it, then as a personal growth challenge I decided to attend the school reunion (we decided to host our own classier version because the school's version of a reunion was a glorified daytime campus tour) despite the fact that none of the girls I used to hang out with bothered to show up (so it was only the "popular" group). And I ended up having a great time. Everyone had matured, so they were friendly and welcoming and the venue chosen was much nicer than the whitewashed school grounds. I wore a $10 dress that I felt confident in that I felt expressed my personality and my current place in life (which apparently R thinks I look hot in - the first time he saw me in it he was like "right, we're not staying in, I'm taking you out!"), which I was also happy about because $10 is what that school deserved in effort (no offence to the student victims there) and because it fights against the idea that you should spend lots of money to project an aura of success to your peers.
I know exactly what dress I want to wear to my Dirty 30 Reunion - I think this one cost $40 but it is the right mix of effortless but fun and dressy, so that's pretty simple. Apparently though this time partners might be welcome. This is where I become torn between wanting to advocate for poly and drag both my partners, versus not wanting to be accused of showing off and therefore picking just one (but how to choose?). Kieran would be up for it (if he can get the night off work), but it would be nice if R could be there too (but maybe the situation would be too overwhelming for him?). If R did come, I'm not sure if it would be easier if Kieran wasn't there and therefore we could be read as monogamous until asked, or if it would be easier if Kieran was there and then he has someone to talk to. I also don't want to make the reunion about polyamory, and I wish the world actually was set up so that I could bring them both and no one raise an eyebrow or even people shrug or yawn with boredom. Or seeing as my Facebook has Kieran quite openly declaring his love, perhaps bringing R would be sufficient for people to go "I thought you were with some other guy" and I can reply with "yeah, I'm still with him too". So polyamory could be mentioned, but it won't actually be visibly in their faces so it will attract a lower level of attention.
Confidence
I was (naively) surprised by some of the comments on this article. The author was pretty careful to mention the existence of guys who have a fat-fetish or who are attracted to her size and ashamed of it, in amongst the ones that weren't attracted or who liked her for her. Firstly there was the comments of "wahh I'm not confident, yet I can get sex despite that" - sure, but I'm going to guess that sex is a lot more satisfying when you're not distracted by worrying about how you look during the act. It's not too hard to find sex, but getting good sex is definitely something she has every right to celebrate, and it sounds like she is being discerning (not spending too much time bothering with the first three types of guys). Secondly there was the "I'm too bogged down believing stereotypes to trust that nice conventionally attractive guys are not attracted to unconventional women, there must be a hidden agenda" which is just offensive - a nice hot guy gives you an answer, and you assume he must be lying because of your own poor self-confidence ... yeah I think you're the one with the problem, not him. And it's kind of selfish to expect him to then have to argue the case, instead of you being responsible for maintaining your self esteem.
I am currently dating someone I thought was out of my league looks-wise (ever since high school, he has always been at the top of my "hottest guy I know" list, though I never let myself develop a crush on him until I only recently found out there was a more than 50% chance of reciprocation). But definitely I think I need to stop writing guys off as "this person is conventionally attractive, therefore they won't be interested, so I won't treat any interest they show as them being actually serious". It's not a good criteria for deciding against a relationship, nor even a good criteria for deciding to not accept and enjoy harmless compliments/flirting. So apparently being 30 really does result in increased confidence, the only catch being that it is a conscious decision because you realise how many beliefs don't actually do you any favours and life is getting shorter so you spend less time worrying about motives and more time enjoying it anyway.
In other news
A guy at work had a prank played on him where his friends changed the privacy settings to all his facebook statuses to "only me" a few weeks ago. The thing I find hilarious is that he didn't even notice until they told him, so either it's pretty normal for him to not get many likes/comments, or it's just not something he bothers to worry about (which is an attitude I appreciate, considering how many people post things just to fish for reactions). He took it pretty well.
Apparently R's other partner H's sister A told his best friend that he should get to know me, which is kinda cool considering A and I have never properly talked so maybe she's just heard conversations between H and I or H has said nice things about me. Hopefully A and I also get to properly know each other sometime. R is quite cautious about making sure a relationship is actually a good thing before prioritising introducing them to his friends, but this weekend I might be meeting his other partner over breakfast. I am hoping we click, and either way it will be good to have her become a real person and not just an imaginary concept (where I could be imagining things inaccurately, and I'd prefer to deal with reality). And R and I had a great stay-at-home date on Tuesday night where we did a lot of talking (including agreeing that we don't want this relationship to stop us from getting things done or working on our projects, so we'll be going to the hardware store on the weekend as we both have things to check off our lists that require that errand), which gives me reasons to feel confident.
So far life is pretty good. Yesterday it rained quite a long time for Brisbane (though I'm sure everyone was thinking "If this continues are we going to have a repeat of 2010?"), so I hope the creeks are now actually filled with flowing water (I mostly find Queensland a beautiful place to live) instead of depressingly dry. I wore what I like to consider my rainy day outfit (a flowy white top with a blue/gray pattern) and my Spotify automatically shuffled music that seemed to have the same tempo as the raindrops while I was walking around outside.
Dirty 30s
The classmates from my final boarding school (I went to three different high schools) are considering having a second reunion.
I never intended to go to the 10 year reunion as I didn't like the school and haven't really kept any friends from it, then as a personal growth challenge I decided to attend the school reunion (we decided to host our own classier version because the school's version of a reunion was a glorified daytime campus tour) despite the fact that none of the girls I used to hang out with bothered to show up (so it was only the "popular" group). And I ended up having a great time. Everyone had matured, so they were friendly and welcoming and the venue chosen was much nicer than the whitewashed school grounds. I wore a $10 dress that I felt confident in that I felt expressed my personality and my current place in life (which apparently R thinks I look hot in - the first time he saw me in it he was like "right, we're not staying in, I'm taking you out!"), which I was also happy about because $10 is what that school deserved in effort (no offence to the student victims there) and because it fights against the idea that you should spend lots of money to project an aura of success to your peers.
I know exactly what dress I want to wear to my Dirty 30 Reunion - I think this one cost $40 but it is the right mix of effortless but fun and dressy, so that's pretty simple. Apparently though this time partners might be welcome. This is where I become torn between wanting to advocate for poly and drag both my partners, versus not wanting to be accused of showing off and therefore picking just one (but how to choose?). Kieran would be up for it (if he can get the night off work), but it would be nice if R could be there too (but maybe the situation would be too overwhelming for him?). If R did come, I'm not sure if it would be easier if Kieran wasn't there and therefore we could be read as monogamous until asked, or if it would be easier if Kieran was there and then he has someone to talk to. I also don't want to make the reunion about polyamory, and I wish the world actually was set up so that I could bring them both and no one raise an eyebrow or even people shrug or yawn with boredom. Or seeing as my Facebook has Kieran quite openly declaring his love, perhaps bringing R would be sufficient for people to go "I thought you were with some other guy" and I can reply with "yeah, I'm still with him too". So polyamory could be mentioned, but it won't actually be visibly in their faces so it will attract a lower level of attention.
Confidence
I was (naively) surprised by some of the comments on this article. The author was pretty careful to mention the existence of guys who have a fat-fetish or who are attracted to her size and ashamed of it, in amongst the ones that weren't attracted or who liked her for her. Firstly there was the comments of "wahh I'm not confident, yet I can get sex despite that" - sure, but I'm going to guess that sex is a lot more satisfying when you're not distracted by worrying about how you look during the act. It's not too hard to find sex, but getting good sex is definitely something she has every right to celebrate, and it sounds like she is being discerning (not spending too much time bothering with the first three types of guys). Secondly there was the "I'm too bogged down believing stereotypes to trust that nice conventionally attractive guys are not attracted to unconventional women, there must be a hidden agenda" which is just offensive - a nice hot guy gives you an answer, and you assume he must be lying because of your own poor self-confidence ... yeah I think you're the one with the problem, not him. And it's kind of selfish to expect him to then have to argue the case, instead of you being responsible for maintaining your self esteem.
I am currently dating someone I thought was out of my league looks-wise (ever since high school, he has always been at the top of my "hottest guy I know" list, though I never let myself develop a crush on him until I only recently found out there was a more than 50% chance of reciprocation). But definitely I think I need to stop writing guys off as "this person is conventionally attractive, therefore they won't be interested, so I won't treat any interest they show as them being actually serious". It's not a good criteria for deciding against a relationship, nor even a good criteria for deciding to not accept and enjoy harmless compliments/flirting. So apparently being 30 really does result in increased confidence, the only catch being that it is a conscious decision because you realise how many beliefs don't actually do you any favours and life is getting shorter so you spend less time worrying about motives and more time enjoying it anyway.
In other news
A guy at work had a prank played on him where his friends changed the privacy settings to all his facebook statuses to "only me" a few weeks ago. The thing I find hilarious is that he didn't even notice until they told him, so either it's pretty normal for him to not get many likes/comments, or it's just not something he bothers to worry about (which is an attitude I appreciate, considering how many people post things just to fish for reactions). He took it pretty well.
Apparently R's other partner H's sister A told his best friend that he should get to know me, which is kinda cool considering A and I have never properly talked so maybe she's just heard conversations between H and I or H has said nice things about me. Hopefully A and I also get to properly know each other sometime. R is quite cautious about making sure a relationship is actually a good thing before prioritising introducing them to his friends, but this weekend I might be meeting his other partner over breakfast. I am hoping we click, and either way it will be good to have her become a real person and not just an imaginary concept (where I could be imagining things inaccurately, and I'd prefer to deal with reality). And R and I had a great stay-at-home date on Tuesday night where we did a lot of talking (including agreeing that we don't want this relationship to stop us from getting things done or working on our projects, so we'll be going to the hardware store on the weekend as we both have things to check off our lists that require that errand), which gives me reasons to feel confident.
So far life is pretty good. Yesterday it rained quite a long time for Brisbane (though I'm sure everyone was thinking "If this continues are we going to have a repeat of 2010?"), so I hope the creeks are now actually filled with flowing water (I mostly find Queensland a beautiful place to live) instead of depressingly dry. I wore what I like to consider my rainy day outfit (a flowy white top with a blue/gray pattern) and my Spotify automatically shuffled music that seemed to have the same tempo as the raindrops while I was walking around outside.
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