So the main thing I feel like writing about is my relationship with R, because it is basically as perfect as you can get without compromising realness, which means this post is probably going to be boring. When I first started dating R I was scared of getting hurt again and avoiding relationships, I realised last night that after six months of being with him I feel like it's possible for relationships to be good.
I was able to bring up something small (H posted about the two of them celebrating their close-together birthdays at a bar, and I didn't get personally notified so I only saw the post when it was too late), and he explained that he'd initially thought it was just for H's birthday and the way she'd advertised it was news to him. So it wasn't a negative conversation, just an easy-to-sort-out miscommunication that resulted in me briefly feeling like he didn't care whether or not I was at his birthday. And because we sorted out any possible negative thoughts early, the rest of the night was nothing but good conversation :)
We scheduled a date the night before his official birthday, and have decided that the easiest way to give each other "presents" for our birthdays is just to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant whenever those dates roll around. We picked a restaurant we'd never been to before because it had free parking. It had the kind of lighting I like (dimly lit) but no white table cloths (good, because impractical).
The wine he chose was really nice, and while we each probably drank half the bottle, that resulted in me being tipsy due to being 2/3rds his size. The food showed that a lot of thought had been put into it. By the time it was dessert I couldn't restrain myself from blurting that it was his birthday, and asking for a candle to be put in his dessert but emphasised no singing happy birthday (acknowledgement, without drawing attention). The staff sang happy birthday to him anyway, which he seemed to appreciate the gesture even though I was apologetic for not having kept his birthday to myself, and I felt like he was happy to be there with me regardless of my resulting in him being temporarily embarrassed. It was also kind of cool because it reminded me of the way I celebrated my 30th this year, a date with R the night before the official group event.
The next morning was officially his birthday, and while I'd coached myself to be okay if I never heard this from him, he told me he loved me which was an excellent surprise and completely unexpected (I thought if I would ever hear it that it would be at least after the year mark). I knew he sincerely liked having me around, and that was enough for us to continue putting effort into our relationship. And I'd reassured him plenty of times that I'd rather never hear him say that than him say it out of obligation. I'm trying not to overanalyse it and just continue to let us be ourselves in whatever course our relationship ends up travelling (in the past I have tied in all these additional assumptions with someone saying that to me), so I'm not sure how much I more I can write about it since as per previous post, I try to stay aware that no amount of trying to be the "perfect" partner guarantees that someone will ever love me.
I was able to bring up something small (H posted about the two of them celebrating their close-together birthdays at a bar, and I didn't get personally notified so I only saw the post when it was too late), and he explained that he'd initially thought it was just for H's birthday and the way she'd advertised it was news to him. So it wasn't a negative conversation, just an easy-to-sort-out miscommunication that resulted in me briefly feeling like he didn't care whether or not I was at his birthday. And because we sorted out any possible negative thoughts early, the rest of the night was nothing but good conversation :)
We scheduled a date the night before his official birthday, and have decided that the easiest way to give each other "presents" for our birthdays is just to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant whenever those dates roll around. We picked a restaurant we'd never been to before because it had free parking. It had the kind of lighting I like (dimly lit) but no white table cloths (good, because impractical).
The wine he chose was really nice, and while we each probably drank half the bottle, that resulted in me being tipsy due to being 2/3rds his size. The food showed that a lot of thought had been put into it. By the time it was dessert I couldn't restrain myself from blurting that it was his birthday, and asking for a candle to be put in his dessert but emphasised no singing happy birthday (acknowledgement, without drawing attention). The staff sang happy birthday to him anyway, which he seemed to appreciate the gesture even though I was apologetic for not having kept his birthday to myself, and I felt like he was happy to be there with me regardless of my resulting in him being temporarily embarrassed. It was also kind of cool because it reminded me of the way I celebrated my 30th this year, a date with R the night before the official group event.
The next morning was officially his birthday, and while I'd coached myself to be okay if I never heard this from him, he told me he loved me which was an excellent surprise and completely unexpected (I thought if I would ever hear it that it would be at least after the year mark). I knew he sincerely liked having me around, and that was enough for us to continue putting effort into our relationship. And I'd reassured him plenty of times that I'd rather never hear him say that than him say it out of obligation. I'm trying not to overanalyse it and just continue to let us be ourselves in whatever course our relationship ends up travelling (in the past I have tied in all these additional assumptions with someone saying that to me), so I'm not sure how much I more I can write about it since as per previous post, I try to stay aware that no amount of trying to be the "perfect" partner guarantees that someone will ever love me.
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